Dear Coleen,
My partner and I share two children, aged four and two, but we are facing challenges living together harmoniously. We have noticed that taking some time apart improves our relationship, but tensions rise once we are back under the same roof for an extended period. While we deeply care for each other, cohabitation at this stage proves to be difficult.
Our disagreements often revolve around our differing parenting approaches. He leans towards a traditional, strict style, while I prefer a more relaxed approach with more freedom for our kids. Balancing work responsibilities adds to our fatigue and irritability, exacerbating the situation.
Lately, we have discussed the idea of living separately while maintaining our relationship. Although unconventional for parents, we believe it might be a viable solution for us. I am curious if there are other families in similar arrangements. My mother is concerned that my partner may shirk childcare responsibilities and pursue his interests freely, as she is not his biggest supporter.
I believe that having our own space is essential, a challenge in our small home with two young children. It is crucial to establish clear boundaries and expectations if we were to consider living apart as a couple.
It is common for couples to have contrasting parenting styles, often resulting in one being perceived as the disciplinarian. Parenting demands are taxing, and it is not unusual for relationships to face strain during this period.
Taking breaks to recharge and reset is essential, but the idea of living separately may pose permanent implications. It is crucial to agree on shared parenting responsibilities to avoid one partner feeling liberated to pursue individual interests at the expense of childcare duties.
Furthermore, it is essential to consider potential feelings of resentment or jealousy that may arise from seeing each other enjoying personal time separately. The impact of this arrangement on your children’s perception and the potential similarities to separation and divorce should also be carefully weighed.
Alternatively, exploring ways to reconnect as a couple, such as arranging childcare and taking breaks together, could be a constructive approach to navigate this challenging phase.
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Coleen advises that while breaks are necessary, living apart may have lasting implications. Clear boundaries, shared parenting responsibilities, and considering the impact on your relationship and children are crucial before considering such an arrangement.