Known for her candid approach on Loose Women, she now serves as Britain’s most straightforward advice columnist, addressing issues related to sex, relationships, and life challenges.
For inquiries, reach out via email at dearcoleen@mirror.co.uk. Please note that responses are not personalized.
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Dear Coleen
I have been in a romantic relationship with my boyfriend for slightly over a year, but it has been tumultuous.
Both of us are in our twenties, and I harbored feelings for him for a long time. However, he was previously involved with another woman, so I never thought we would end up together.
When they broke up due to her involvement with someone else, I decided to pursue him actively. I attended every social event he did, frequented the places he visited, informed his friends about my interest, and eventually, we got together.
My concern now is that he may not have completely moved on from his ex-girlfriend because he frequently mentions her, which is causing me distress.
Recently, I confronted him and expressed my discomfort with him bringing up his ex-girlfriend. I understand it may seem excessive, but it makes me feel undervalued.
I also worry that due to my pursuit of him, he holds the upper hand in the relationship and is fully aware of my feelings towards him.
We have had a few temporary breakups, often triggered by his discussions about his ex-girlfriend or his absence while socializing with his friends.
In essence, I am deeply in love with him, but I feel insecure within the relationship. Any advice?
Coleen advises
It is possible that he relishes the feeling of control and admiration in the relationship.
While I advocate for direct communication rather than game-playing, perhaps it is beneficial to dial back on the adoration, boost your self-assurance, and avoid making him feel suffocated or constantly needing to reassure you of his commitment and disinterest in rekindling with his ex-partner. Such behavior can be draining.
Do not allow yourself to become that individual; demonstrate that his previous partner holds no significance to you and that you are not affected by it.
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