Known for her candid opinions on Loose Women, Coleen Nolan has now become Britain’s most straightforward advice columnist, offering guidance on sex, relationships, and life challenges.
Dear Coleen
I’m a man in my early 30s and have been in a relationship with my girlfriend for a few months. We share many interests, and our bond has deepened quickly.
We both recently ended previous relationships when we met. While I have no contact with my ex of 18 months, my girlfriend’s ex of seven years, whom she met at 21, remains actively involved in her life.
Understanding that they shared a significant history and were each other’s first love, I find his close relationship with my girlfriend and her family unsettling.
His single status also bothers me. While my girlfriend does not meet him alone, they maintain regular communication, and he frequently visits her parents.
This situation is unique for me as I have never felt this way about my partners’ exes before, and it triggers feelings of neediness and insecurity.
I have not shared my concerns with my girlfriend, hoping that her ex will find a new relationship soon. Do you think my feelings are unjustified, or do I have a valid point?
Coleen’s Advice
Considering his frequent presence as you described, your feelings are understandable, and it is reasonable to desire space for your relationship to evolve. Remember that she chose you, and their breakup happened for a reason.
Their amicable breakup likely led to a friendship due to their long history together. However, your presence changes this dynamic significantly.
After a long-term relationship, it can be challenging for partners and families to move on. Former partners often become ingrained in family dynamics, making it hard to sever those ties.
Her family may still support her ex because they see her happiness with you, while he has not moved on with someone new yet.
However, this situation cannot persist indefinitely. It is likely that he will meet someone new, shifting his attention away from the past relationship gradually.
You should remain composed and build confidence in yourself. Take the opportunity to bond with her parents and establish boundaries by discussing your discomfort with the ex’s frequent presence